…like finger exercises on the piano…
14 Jan
also posted here

“Hey, there’s Daddy!” She tugged my arm.
I saw his head first. His right arm rested on the railing, calm, waiting. No pressure, no anxiety.
I exhaled.
One foot before the other and he was before me. I tried to focus on his eyes, his face. I searched for words to speak.
“Hi.” His body leaned toward mine and I felt his kiss on my forehead. His arm grasped my shoulder and then he released me.
“Hi.”
The child was chattering. And bouncing around us. His free arm rested on her shoulder. We walked. People bumped me as they passed.
I heard him speak. First to our girl. Then to a man near us as we reached for the suitcase.
We walked again. I stopped and zipped the girl’s coat, despite her protests. And then he was driving and she was babbling about princesses. I sat beside him.
A right turn. A stop sign. The highway. We were moving. He grasped my hand. He wouldn’t let go.
“I …” I couldn’t speak; I was dry. I had done my crying alone when I realized the baby was lost.
He glanced at me, and I saw his eyes were wet. He spoke, the corners of his mouth turned in a half-smile.
“I love you.”
The flood overwhelmed me as it had two nights before. But this time I was hopeful, for we could still go on.
9 Aug
The orange wrapper was on a wire shelf a few inches above his head. He couldn’t read the writing, but he knew what it said: “Peanut Butter Cup.” What delightful words! He licked his lips.
He glanced back at his mother. She was putting the carton of milk on the conveyer belt. Her jaw set as she reached into the cart for the bananas and bread. Every few moments, James heard a “BEEP” as the checker swiped the groceries: cereal, canned vegetables, string cheese.
She wouldn’t notice! James thought, as he reached up, his fingers easily touching the shelf. But, no! That’s not right!
He reclaimed his hand and put it in his pocket, touching his lucky green soldier he’d put there earlier. There must be a better way! He bit his lip. He could hear his stomach growl.
Shuffling his feet, he turned around and bowed his head, his hands clasped in front of him.
“I’m so hungry, Mommy!” James spoke quickly but deliberately, keeping his head down. “Pretty please, Mommy, buy me a peanut butter cup? I’ll be so patient!”
Without moving his head up, he glanced up to gauge her reaction. She was reaching in to the shopping cart again. She glanced at him and turned back to her groceries. She spoke briskly:
“No, you can wait 10 more minutes for us to get home. No candy!”
He willed the tears to stop, but they wouldn’t. He’d been denied again!
Response to Fiction Friday prompt: Write about a failed proposal.
Could kids really be this patient and thoughtful? I don’t know. My son is still an infant. I guess I could write this better in a few years. I also can’t figure out how old James is. I just thought of him and started writing.
16 Jul
Continuation of L.A. with Dred. Read that first!
It was just my luck (my bad luck) that Jason was at my Wicked-Step-Aunt’s house when I arrived. I’ve always hated that guy!
Dred had just left for L.A. that morning and I still hadn’t been able to reach him to figure out what Plan B was. How was I going to get there when Dred had all the money for our trip? There I was, knocking at my Wicked-Step-Aunt’s front door on the day I was supposed to be heading to L.A. with Dred, when who should answer but Jason.
“Hey there!” He was wearing blue coveralls with these big stains, a brown stain was on right leg and a white smear on left shoulder. There was a splotch of white paint on his forehead and his mousy hair was all a mess. He looked so dumb, as usual. Did he have any idea? He didn’t invite me in or anything, he just stared at me, holding the door with his right arm and holding a dirty rag in the other.
“Didn’t you move out?” He scratched his head, like a monkey would, of course. But then he stepped aside as I charged in. As he should. It was my step-aunt’s house, not his. Even if I don’t have a key anymore.
I almost said, “Duh, why else would I knock?” Instead, I took the disdainful approach that always worked when we were in high school. “Why’re you here?”
It’s just my luck that Jason would see me on a day when I overslept and spent hours walking in the Chicago snow. I admit, I’d even cried a little bit. Just my luck that I hadn’t seen a mirror in hours. I’ll bet my mascara had smeared. That would be just my luck.
“I’m painting the kitchen,” Jason said, nodding toward the room. “Gotta get back.” He started walking away from me. “Your aunt and uncle are out of town, so you won’t catch ‘em.”
I almost corrected him, as usual: step-aunt. I want to make sure he remembers that she is not a blood relative. But I didn’t.
“Aren’t you going to ask me why I’m here?” I followed him, dropping my backpack on the ground in the front hall on the way. The kitchen was a mess: the cupboards were edged with masking tape, the table was pushed away from the wall, and newspapers were everywhere. Jason grunted, as usual, and didn’t respond. He picked up his paint brush and crouched by the wall next to the pantry.
I opened the fridge, but it was just my luck that it was as empty as my own had been.
“I missed my bus to L.A.” I explained, grabbing the half-eaten jar of dill pickles. Jason didn’t answer. I pulled a chair from the hall and sat at the newspaper-covered kitchen table.
“Dred must’ve gone without me.” I fished for a pickle. Jason looked up at me and grunted again, as usual. Just my luck that he won’t even talk to me on a day I needed it. Isn’t that what neighbors are for?
When Jason still hadn’t said anything and I’d already finished the second pickle, I started telling him all about Dred anyway: how he laughed at just about everything I say, how he always listened to me, how he had this great plan for us in L.A., how his eyes danced when he laughs – really, it was so cute, it shouldn’t be allowed. It was when I was telling Jason about Dred’s curl around his ear that I saw the illustration on the scrap of newspaper in front of me. The hair was just like Dred’s.
“Like this,” I said. I lifted the newspaper and, pointing to the curly hair on the page, I turned it toward Jason, but he kept painting. He’d moved on to another part of the wall. I turned the paper around again and stopped talking for a moment while I fished for the last two pickles in the jar. The sketch really looked like Dred.
“Composite Sketch of Fast Food Chain Robber,” said the caption. Wow, just my luck that my boy friend looks just like a robber! I thought. I didn’t say this aloud, of course, because I didn’t want Jason to get the wrong idea about Dred.
I was finished with the pickles, so I actually read the article that went with the sketch. Just my luck that the end of every line was cut off because the page had been ripped.
This robber had hit a few times, and every fast food joint he’d hit was near my old apartment. The longer I looked at the sketch, the more I knew: that was Dred.
I rubbed my arms to try to warm them from the sudden chill that went over my body.
I glanced at the date on the newspaper. It was two weeks old, the day he’d told me we should go to L.A. Just my luck, I thought: Dred, my boyfriend, was a robber.
“You’re actually reading?” said Jason from over my shoulder. I jumped and tried to hide the scrap of newspaper.
“Um, no…” I said. I swallowed. The pickle aftertaste was now disgusting.
“What’s up?” The taunting edge had disappeared from Jason’s voice; it was now smooth and gentle. I looked up at him. For the first time, I noticed that his eyes were a California-sky blue. They seemed to whisper “It’ll be alright.” I knew it would be. Just my luck, my new good luck, that I didn’t have to worry: I hadn’t gone to L.A. with Dred!
Fictional response to Fiction Friday prompt.
24 Jun
It is so winter right now. And it’s so cold. And all the leaves are brown and the sky is gray, as usual. And I’m sick of it.
I wanted to go with him, I really did. But one thing led to another, as usual, and I was left behind in Gray Sky Chicago. Dred went to L.A. without me, I’m sure.
Maybe I should explain.
I am the most unlucky girl in the world. I mean, ever. And it’s partially my mother’s fault and partially my father’s fault.
Long story short: I was born on Friday the Thirteenth. You may think that’s not my mother’s fault, but she was induced, so yes, she chose my birthday. Then, it was raining on Sunday when we went home from the hospital, and my father wanted to keep me dry. So even though my mom tried to stop him, he opened the umbrella inside. I’d so rather have gotten wet.
I could tell you my unlucky sob story, with all the significant and insignificant details, like how I broke my leg while sleeping when I was 8 months old, how I broke every single plate in my mother’s china just by eating on it, how my folks died in a plane crash when I was twelve (yeah, how often does that happen?), how I went to live with my Wicked Step-Aunt, how my Wicked Step-Aunt kicked me out last year, how I lived with three different friends, and how they all turned out to be losers.
But I won’t; that’s just my luck. Bad things frequently happen to me. I’ll just try to explain why I didn’t go to L.A. with Dred.
I guess I’ll start at the beginning, as usual. (more…)
17 Jun
Fictional response loosely based on [Fiction] Friday prompt: Tell about someone who is obsessed.
We moved next door to the Bismarks two weeks before I began my sophomore year. Mom and I had been through a painful year since Dad had left her, and we really felt a move was necessary: A new beginning without the painful place memories. I don’t know if I preferred the fact that Dad was now a state away or if I missed him too much. I was mad at him, but I still loved him, of course.
I knew something was odd about the neighbors from the beginning. On moving day, I was carrying a box of my mother’s books (one of the 15 boxes) out the car when I noticed the tinted windows. When I did a double take, I noticed the heavy blinds and curtains. I saw one blind flutter, but only slightly.
“What do you know about the neighbors?” I asked my mom when I entered the kitchen. I’d taken the box of books upstairs to her library, wishing with each step that we had purchased a ranch house like the neighbors’. Mom was trying, unsuccessfully, to open a box labeled “KITC MISC” with her fingernails. I tossed our car keys to her.
I watched as she slid the key through the tape and popped the box open. For some reason, I couldn’t stop thinking about the odd, tinted windows.
“Ah ha!” she said proudly as she extricated an egg beater from the box and held it up to show me. “Finally!”
“So, the neighbors…” I started again.
“Oh, the realtor said the Bismarks are a little odd but good neighbors,” she said off handedly, pulling out more kitchen utensils. “And they have a little girl.” She smiled and nodded to me.
I’d spent nearly every afternoon freshman year watching five-year-old Lizzy Johnson; a good gig, but a bit exhausting by the end of the year.
“I think I saw her watching,” I said, nodding. I wasn’t sure I wanted another regular babysitting job. It was fine for a freshman, but for sophomore year I was hoping for more of a social life than five-year-old Lizzy Johnson.
“I’ll bake something for you to take over,” Mom said, unpacking the measuring spoons.
I rolled my eyes. My mom is a compulsive baker and the fact that we were surrounded by unpacked boxes in a still-partially furnished home didn’t stop her, it only encouraged her. She had to have her home-cooked goodness for the neighbors!
When Mom handed me a carefully covered plate of cookies a few days later, I was glad. I’d spent so much time inside unpacking and setting up the house that I was eager to get out. Besides, I didn’t know anyone, so I was on my own until school began.
The door only opened a crack when I knocked. Beverly Bismark peered out, just barely. There were bags under her bright green eyes, and her smile looked uncomfortable. I don’t think she was more than 35, but the wrinkles on her forehead and the graying hair made her look ten years older. I could barely see beyond her into the darkness of her home.
“I brought you these cookies,” I began. “We just moved in next door.”
She nodded and eyed the cookies.
“I’m sorry,” she began. “I’m afraid there may be traces of nuts.”
“Well, actually, they are chocolate chip,” I said, extending the plate toward her. I was glad my mom hadn’t made banana nut, which were my personal favorite.
“Well, you see, I have a little girl,” she said in a matter-of-fact way, as if that explained it. She motioned the plate away.
She didn’t expound further. I apologized that we hadn’t known her girl was allergic to nuts.
She looked surprised as she explained that no, Elsa wasn’t allergic as far as she knew, but they weren’t taking any chances until she was a bit older: “The longer you wait, the less risk of a nut allergy developing. Obviously, nut allergies can be quite serious. I’m not taking any chances with my little girl’s life.”
Turns out Elsa was 7. I’d heard of paranoid parents, but that was a bit much for me.
I finally met Elsa a few weeks later. The semester had started and I’d finally met some people. But when Mom told me she’d bragged to Mrs. Bismark about my babysitting abilities and Mrs. Bismark had mentioned babysitting that Saturday night, I was eager for the spending money.
Mom had given her the names and numbers of the Johnsons and about four other families I’d babysat in Springvale. Mrs. Bismark had called them all. Apparently, none of them revealed any of my babysitting mistakes, because Saturday night at 6, I was ringing the Bismark’s bell.
Even though I spent just a few minutes (okay, more like 15 minutes) with Beverly Bismark, I could tell she was a bit uptight. She had a fifteen-page printed booklet with information and emergency phone numbers about Elsa’s care. She walked me through the entire house showing me the fire extinguishers, fire blankets, and the first aid kits in each room (yes, each room).
I confess now, I didn’t read the booklet.
Mr. Bismark (I never did learn his first name), on the other hand, stood patiently by the front door, his wife’s coat in hand, waiting for her to finish her routine. I could sense he was eager to leave.
Elsa’s green eyes peered from behind the door to her bedroom, just as her mother had out of the front door. When she emerged completely, all elbows and stringy red hair, I sensed her reluctance to let me stay with her. Mrs. Bismark could hardly stand to leave us. With Elsa quietly avoiding me and Mrs. Bismark sturdily repeating “I trust you, I trust you,” I wasn’t sure what to expect from the evening.
When the Bismarks finally left, Beverly shouting out last minute instructions even as the car drove away, I turned to Elsa, who was watching me.
Here goes! I thought to myself.
I don’t know how to explain the rest of the evening. Elsa loosened up rather well, but I felt like I just kept having the most bizarre conversations. For example, we went to the kitchen to make Elsa’s dinner. A leftover organic pasta dish of some sort was labeled in the fridge. When I headed for the microwave, Elsa stopped me.
“No!” she nearly shouted. “You can’t microwave that!”
I must have looked confused. When I stopped and looked at her, she clarified.
“Obviously, you can’t microwave things for children,” she explained as if I knew nothing. “The waves in a microwave are very bad.”
I think I must have nodded. Regardless, I reheated the food on the stove.
Mrs. Bismark called the first time while we were eating dinner. She’d forgotten to tell me not to use the microwave and she wanted to make sure I’d seen it in the booklet. I assured her all was well, and encouraged her to enjoy their business dinner.
Elsa piled her food in her mouth, almost inhaling it. It was amazing to watch. I think she must have been eager to eat without her mother correcting her manners.
I asked her about school, since the year had just begun.
“My mom’s my teacher,” she replied with a full mouth. “I can’t go school.”
“Why?” I asked, surprised. I hadn’t realized she was home schooled as well. Did she ever leave the tinted-window house?
“Well, for one, the playground is not safe. She thinks I’m going to fall and die.” Now Elsa glared at me, as if daring me to agree. “I won’t, you know. I don’t like heights. I’d stay on the ground.”
I nodded and assured her I knew that.
“Let’s go outside,” I suggested when she finished eating. The Bismarks had a long but shallow backyard. It was fenced. Surely there was nothing forbidden about that. She nodded and stood up.
“Just a minute,” she said. She rushed to her room, while I put the dishes in the sink. When she returned, she had on a hat and sunglasses. Apparently, her mother was concerned that she’d get sunburned. Even when I pointed out that the sun was in the process of setting, she wouldn’t take them off.
“You’re not a redhead; you don’t understand,” she said stubbornly. “I could get really sick if I get too much sun.”
We played catch for a while with an inflatable globe I found in Elsa’s room. It didn’t work too well, but at least I got Elsa laughing. When the sun had mostly gone down, Elsa insisted we return inside. (”Mosquitoes can make you really sick, you know.”)
Later, Elsa explained that she couldn’t take a bath, only a shower, because there was a chance she’d drown in a bath, even in just a few inches. She couldn’t read in her bedroom because the lights were bad and she’d go blind. Her lists of forbidden activities just grew longer. Mrs. Bismark called twice more to check in.
Eventually, Elsa was asleep. And at 9:30, the Bismarks returned home. I thanked them and tried to give Mrs. Bismark the minute-by-minute rundown of our evening that she wanted. She didn’t seem happy that we’d gone outside, but I assured her that Elsa had worn her hat and glasses. Finally, I escaped the Bismarks’ clutches.
I never babysat Elsa again. The next few times they called, I had other plans; I’d just gotten my driver’s license after all. And by the next spring, they had their house with the tinted windows up for sale. Mom told me that the Bismarks were divorcing.
I thought of my dad, who I was still mad at but who I missed so much. And I felt the deep ache in my heart when I thought of skinny little Elsa Bismark trying to explain to herself why she can’t see her parents together anymore.
Apparently, Mrs. Bismark’s obsession with keeping Elsa safe couldn’t stop pain and reality from entering Elsa’s life.
There is always a shadow of truth in fiction. Lately, I’ve found I’ve been “obsessed” with ways my eight-month-old could die: drown in the bathtub, choke on his dinner, fall down the stairs. This story is my reminder to lighten up! I can never completely protect him: here’s a deep thought from Finding Nemo.
Marlin: I promised I’d never let anything happen to him.
Dory: Hmm. That’s a funny thing to promise.
Marlin: What?
Dory: Well, you can’t never let anything happen to him. Then nothing would ever happen to him. Not much fun for little Harpo.
5 Jun
“Do you deny it?†she asked, pinching the unknown lipstick tube between two fingers, her face red. Still he sat with an uncomfortable smile.
“How long has it been going on?†She dropped the lipstick on the dresser and walked to the closet, her slip swishing.
He didn’t respond but fiddled with his tie and tried to avoid her glare.
“I thought I could trust you when you said…†She let her sentence trail off as she pulled the black dress over her head.
The silence continued as she struggled with the zipper. Finally, he spoke: “I couldn’t help it. I would have stopped, but…â€
“You couldn’t help it!†She spat the words out and stopped dressing to stare at him again. “I don’t believe that.â€
His smile had disappeared. Now he looked down at his hands, which sat limply in his lap.
“I mean, what were you thinking?†She had resumed dressing and now reached for her jewelry box.
“I have this passion, honey,†he mumbled. “I felt … I had to …. Besides, you’ve been working so late…â€
“Even if I’m not here, don’t I have any say in how you spend your weeknights?†She grumbled as she knelt before him. He looked up to see her slender neck, the pearl necklace he’d given her waiting to be clasped.
“I want you to trust me,†he said, clasping her hook and letting his hand graze her soft skin. “I’ll call right now. The whole thing is off.†His face looked calm, but his eyes still looked troubled.
She smiled softly and sighed, still kneeling before him. “Does it really mean that much to you?â€
“Yes.†His eyes begged hers for understanding.
She sighed again and stood. “Then act in that bizarre drama.†She motioned for him to take her arm. “I just never thought I’d have a husband so obsessed with the stage.â€
Last week, I practiced creating a scene and emotion in 140 characters. I did the same this week, but then I decided I needed to finish the scene. What was really happening? I had fun trying to do so.
31 May
Daily Writing Tips and Copyblogger have both posted about very short story writing lately. Copyblogger even held a contest for very short stories, limited to 140 characters. Not 140 words: 140 characters. I felt inspired after reading the entries. The winners are found here, or see all the entries and be the judge yourself at Smithereens Blog.
I unfortunately didn’t find the contest in time to enter and win, but here are my three attempts, each one exactly 140 characters.
My eyes blurred when I heard sirens. Another, I groaned inside. I didn’t know the turn was illegal! Yesterday’s ticket did not need a match.
[Note: I had a hard time keeping the words in order. And then I realized I probably didn’t have to. Oh well. There you have it.]
We studied together for the exam, sharing notes and answers. Test day came and I did well: 100%. But no one would face me: I set the curve.
[Note: I hated it when teachers graded tests based on curves! When people then do well on the test, they’re socially ostracized.]
One night each month, we set aside homework, turned on the music, and danced: six 19-year-olds acting like girls at a homemade extravaganza.
These were so incredibly fun to do! If you want to try, link or paste yours in the comments!
31 May
The monthly challenge for the My Manuscript Stinks Society (MMS Society) was to write four scenes of a novel.
Make sure that each scene creates a different emotion or group of emotions. … Also, make sure that each scene features at least one strong image (try using all five of the senses).
I won’t post any of my novel on the web. I won’t even tell you what it’s about. Why?
However, I did this assignment, mostly. I reworked an old scene (despair) and then I wrote three new ones (joy, fear, and anger leading to sadness). They were all short. On this website, I’ve been working on “short†scenes, in which I create emotions, setting or characters in a very small amount of space. When I went to my novel this month, I found myself focusing on very small snippets of the scenes. I am having a hard time creating a larger scene and continuing the dialogue.
As I said above, I consider my fiction writing talents to be horrible. Having an “assignment†to revisit my attempt at a novel was very good for me.
I have a lot to learn about how to create a fictional scene. What suggestions do you have? I’d appreciate your advice!
21 May
Fiction response to Write Anything prompt for Picture This
I knew it was wrong to marry him. But he promised me riches and comfort, and it was easy to believe as I watched him pay $400 for my nine-course meal at the nicest restaurant in town. We would be so happy together, he said, as he added me to his credit card account. We’d never see the bill: it was covered by his employer in total, no questions asked.
In the end, he convinced me. It was partly all the fancy dining he treated me to, with the season of box seats at the opera. But I wanted that four-bedroom home with the manicured garden and gourmet kitchen. I wanted the brand-new BMW every year, complete with a new car smell. I wanted the free travel around the world, and I certainly wanted the comfy leather chair in the library with unlimited books. He had his employer write it all into the marriage contract. But I know now I should have read the fine print.
We found the perfect house. It had a white picket fence in the back yard. During his first two weeks’ leave, we decided on paint colors for the walls. During his next leave, we married and moved in. I was so happy.
It was not very long before our baby was on the way. I was still getting used to all the household servants (I didn’t like telling them what to do and kept apologizing) and I was still building the library. But it was a perfect excuse to add pregnancy self-help books and children’s books to the shelves. I was excited to find that it was a girl. I bought pink bows and dresses for her. I canceled our trip to London and painted the nursery lavender. His employer gave him five years local work so he wouldn’t be away. We would have a wonderful little family.
I realized in the hospital that something wasn’t quite right. He took her away from me after the first night. I asked him to bring her to me, and he started talking to me about protocol. I was a bit exhausted from the labor, so I did enjoy a little rest and pampering. But by the end of the first week, I was ready to see her a lot more than I had seen her!
It was then that he got out the marriage contract and showed me the fine print. I thought the Rumpelstilskin Program was about being a soldier for life in exchange for every comfort you could imagine.
I didn’t realize it meant my daughter’s life, too.
I’m sitting now in my chair. Twenty books are on my side table, but I can’t bring myself to read any of them. Kate is about to bring in my supper, but I don’t have much of an appetite. The house is immaculate—all four-bedrooms—and the flower garden is perfectly groomed. I believe the lilacs are out this week, but I haven’t walked in the garden all spring. I have a new Mercedes in the driveway, but it still has only 78 miles on it.
They will be home from work late tonight. That is why I sit and look at their photograph: my husband and my daughter, Soldiers.

Yes, they have a good relationship. They work together most of the day, Daddy showing her how to do the job she will have to do for the rest of her life.
She thinks it’s a game. I am dreading the day when she finds out it is not.
17 May
How the Dog Got his Bark
(With apologies to Rudyard Kipling)
Long ago, when the world first began, dogs were quiet animals. They did what they were told, particularly when it came to fetching things, and lived a quiet life, usually.
One particular dog, named Terry, liked to jump on people to get their attention. He lived with a man named Joe. Joe did not like to be jumped on. Every time Terry jumped up to get Joe’s attention, Joe hit him with a stick.
This was not very nice. Terry did not like to be hit with a stick. But he still wanted to get Joe’s attention sometimes.
One night, Joe was asleep and Terry was resting at the foot of Joe’s bed. He wasn’t quiet tired yet, so he just rested. Then he heard something approaching. He didn’t know what it was, but he knew it wasn’t good. He stood up on his four legs. Joe kept sleeping. Then Terry realized that it was a big bear. The animal was coming toward Joe in his bed. Terry realized that Joe was not going to wake up before the bear attacked him.
Terry knew he would be hit by the stick if he jumped on Joe. But he wanted to protect Joe. He jumped up on Joe. Joe, as was his instinct, grabbed the stick, which was under his pillow. But Joe missed Terry. Terry, in his excitement, swallowed the stick. Joe was still kind of asleep. Terry didn’t like the feeling of the stick in his throat so he tried to cough it out. It wouldn’t budge. But instead of silence, a sound came out:
“Rroof! Rroof!â€
Joe jumped up. The combination of the noise from Terry and Joe’s movement caused the bear to flee. And both Terry and Joe were safe.
From then on, whenever Terry wanted to get Joe’s attention, he would simply “Rroofâ€, and Joe would respond. Joe liked that much better.
And that is how the dog got his bark.
[Note: Technically, I don’t think I quite followed the prompt, as it was supposed to be a “modern†take on a fairy tale. Instead, I did my own take on Kipling’s "Just So Stories" idea. It’s the first thing that came to mind.]
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